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My life isn't as perfect as you think it is. May 19, 2011
Insecurity at 6:20 PMI stayed near my phone, thinking of when your name would show up. But then I realised, I was never that important to you. Argh. Super depressed luhh. *Big sad face* ): Got back our papers and guess what. I failed 3 subjects. What a great way of telling me, '' O levels are coming.'' No bloody mood to do anything. Well, slacked with Arif at the PB room today after school. Talked about almost everything under the sun in the dark and depressing room. Seems like he was just as depressed as I was. Talked about everything from results to SC. I'm glad that he was there with me though, or I would have emo-ed for hours in school alone. Ranted at him bout almost all of my troubles, problems and even hesitations. Really thankful that he was willing to listen to me rant though. Thought that no one would ever bother about me. Problems, troubles are all masqueraded behind the friendly smile. Well, now then I realised that the aerospace module is not at Nanyang Poly. What a wet blanket. And to think that I ever thought of going there with you every morning. Hopes dashed. Well, I just have to get used to that fact. Life just sucks when you need someone the most. Cause no one seems to be there for you. A friend once told me, '' That's life. What can you do about it?'' These few days I've been thinking alot. All these thoughts focused on one topic, and it just had to be that particular topic which I would preferably avoid. But there are many things that we just can't avoid no matter how hard we try so why not face it now? A lot of ' What ifs ' had been showing up on my mind, and I really hope that these are just ' What ifs '. Thoughts about.. what if he was in sec3? / what if you preferred him to me? / what if you had a change of heart? Stupid thoughts just kept haunting me. I tried telling myself that it's just my overly-wild imagination but sometimes it just gets too real for me to deceive myself. Such stupid things kept damping my spirits. If you wanted me beside you, you would have told me. I think I just ranted a little too much but, still no mood though. So yeah... Labels: Swaying thoughts. My life's as bitter as the chocolate that I ate. |
Argh.
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